It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I color on your dick again?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
