ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
