Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
