Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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