i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
