So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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