apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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