im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
