Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
