She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
