All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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