All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
