You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
