she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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