i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
