just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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