I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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