it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
