I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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