She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
