Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
