I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
