I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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