Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
