THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
