What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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