Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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