I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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