you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
stop calling my apartment porn island.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found the puke drawer
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
