Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
