she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
