don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
