My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
