i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
