So drunk its hurt
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want her autograph on my taint
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
