we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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