A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
