Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
