lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
