Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
