His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
