Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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