Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
