Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
