My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
