addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
