She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
