apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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