i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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