Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
