Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
