Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
