his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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