Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
